Finances Pt 1: Do Finances Impact Relationships?

Chapter Two:
We’ve all been told forever that financial problems are the number one reason of divorce. In this politically correct day and age we say “the number one cause of relational discord.” Some people don’t ever get married so it can’t be the number one cause of divorce for them. Regardless if someone is married, has a “civil union,” or is just dating, financial problems can cast a cloud of unnecessary stress on a relationship…or can it?

I set out to see if there was any real research behind this generally held assumption. I scoured the internet exhaustively and after fifteen minutes or so found a true academic study that examined the problem. “Financial Problems as Predictors of Divorce: A Social Exchange Perspective” is the title of the study. It was written by Jan Anderson of California State University. Wow. It had been so long since I had read a truly academic paper I was bored before the fourth page and I was actually interested in her topic! The way academics write is great for sleeping material.

There were sections on the theoretical framework, on what “social exchange” means, variable creation, and stuff even more exciting than that. Oh it makes my heart go pitter pat even just thinking of it. All the analysis, the academic rigor the, the, the…the results were not what I thought

Ms. Anderson actually found that there is no really great correlation between finances and divorce. “…financial problems explained less than 5% of the variability in divorce.” Who would have thunk? She goes on to say “Over 80% of the point-biserial and phi correlation coefficients were less than .10.” That is to say…actually I don’t know what that means, but it wasn’t looking good for our little bit of conventional wisdom.

Then the honesty. Academic researchers quite often obfuscate their research with arcane terminology. However, sometimes they also admit to the limits of their research. Just before the end of the paper Ms. Anderson comes clean as she writes, that, “a major limitation of this study was too few financial questions.” Then she goes further to say that a better study would incorporate more “traditional” financial problems such as “credit use, debt, bankruptcy, etc.”. Well duh!!

So her research proved that financial problems apart from “credit use, debt, and bankruptcy, etc” do not lead to relational problems! Wow! What other kinds of financial problems are people having…too much money? So my search to disprove conventional wisdom came to an end. Jan Andersen’s research aside I think we have to conclude that financial stress can eat away at a relationship.

It really doesn’t matter what time of day it is financial stress is still there. It doesn’t matter if you are standing, sitting, or lying down financial stress is still there. If you are at work, at home, in the car, or in the gym…financial stress is still there. It puts people on edge. It affects sleep, moods, and in general the emotional reserves of everyone in the household. The bottom line is that regardless of whether it is the number one cause of relational discord or the number four cause, it is a cause of relational problems.

In my opinion it is also a deeply spiritual problem. When my wife and I were members of First Baptist Church in Chattanooga, TN one of the things the pastor used to say is that the church budget was the most important theological statement put out by the church. Wow! Of course that was just his opinion. I am a Baptist and he’s not the Pope so anyone can have a contrary opinion. The point is this, finances have important spiritual ramifications.

Can you love God with all your heart, soul, and might if you are worried about the car being repossessed? Can you feel close to God when you have to worry about how to make the next house payment? I have a friend who has been through a tough patch right now financially. He says it has actually has helped him spiritually. He knows now that there are more important things in life than money. He says he and his wife have had to rely on God and each other to make it through emotionally and spiritually. It’s not really the finances that are eating up the marriage, “it’s the little things.” I wanted to smack him upside the head! If his finances were in order the “little things” would be just that: “little things!” Has financial hardship been good for him spiritually? I don’t really see how.

There is a strain on his marriage. There is a weight on his shoulders that he feels everyday. He does bring it to God in prayer, but the collection agencies have not stopped calling. What if his prayer is never answered and he never gets a better job? What if he lives the rest of his life not even from paycheck to paycheck, but in debt that he can’t pay back? Isn’t it a possibility this financial strain could turn him a bit more cynical? Could the unanswered prayer be a sign to him that God is not there for him?

The self righteous out there are thinking, “oh, if he was a REAL Christian then no amount of stress and strain would shake his faith in our Lord…” To which I answer, “Who talks like that? If you do then please shut your self-righteous pie hole and go back to “la la land.” I’m talking about real people with real problems, and it can affect their relationship with God. Money has spiritual implications.

Money and spirituality are NOT linked in the sense that those with a greater amount of faith have a greater amount of money. That’s just silly prosperity theology preached by televangelists and hacks. They are related partially in the sense that how we make and spend out money is a reflection of our values. Financial advisors will tell you over and over that people spend what they make. They see couples making $25,000 a year who have two kids and have a tough time. No money ever saved. They also see a childless couple making $120,000 a year have a tough time. No money ever saved.

Have you ever had enough money left over to help someone out? I’m not necessarily talking about the guy on the street who is asking for help. What about a relative, friend, or stranger you have heard that is having a tough time? We’ve all been warned about lending to relatives and friends, but I’m not talking about a loan. I’m talking about having money left over to GIVE to someone in need. Have you ever had a passion to give to an organization that helps others? Having your finances in order will allow that to happen.