Forgiveness Pt. 5: Grace the Milkman

So what have we done? We have blamed someone for the injury, we have regained our strength, now comes throwing the switch and actually forgiving…moving beyond the injury. I read a story once (actually I read a lot of stories, but this one is actually germane to the topic at hand), a very old tale about a milk man (No! Not that milk man story…this is a different one). A particular customer had requested some extra milk one week. The milkman had delivered it as requested, but when he got paid for the month the customer had shorted the milkman the money for the extra milk.
It wasn’t a huge amount of money, but the milkman couldn’t quit thinking about it. He became more and more bitter every time he made a delivery to the family and complained incessantly to his friend about the transgression. Now the milkman was realizing that the unpaid milk was costing him more than it should. It was his time, his energy, his emotions that were caught up in the whole “milk scandal.” So his friend had a suggestion for him.

“Why not make a gift of the milk.”
“What do you mean…”make a gift of the milk” they have already stolen it from me. How do I make a gift of it?”
“If you make a gift for it they never really owed for it in the first place; did they?”
“So you are suggesting that this milk that they requested, that they didn’t pay for, that I delivered, that they have already enjoyed…. This milk they didn’t pay for; you want me to make it a retroactive gift?”
“If you make it a gift then they didn’t steal it—you gave it to them.”

So a couple of days go by and eventually the milkman was able to make a gift of the milk. He realized that though they were to blame for the lack of payment and he was at a loss for payment; he was a more substantial person than to get all upset about some lost milk. By and by he found that his demeanor changed when approaching the house. He ceased to speak ill of the family. In fact he actually began to feel that he had done something good. Maybe someone in the family had been ill and required extra milk. Perhaps that had happened at a time of financial hardship. Even if it didn’t it felt good to know he had given a gift.

Then something else happened.

The lady of the house stepped outside one day as he was making his usual delivery. She was reconciling her statements and had realized that she had shorted his payment several weeks before. In her hand, at the end of her outstretched arm was the money she had owed.

Now here is a part of forgiveness we often overlook.

The milkman told her he couldn’t accept the payment. It was kind of an awkward social moment. Why wouldn’t he be able to accept payment? It was his business to make money delivering milk. It was the customer’s responsibility to pay. She didn’t understand. The milkman hesitated… Then beginning, slowly at first, and with a bit of embarrassment told her how angry he had been. He told her how resentful he had become when he had made deliveries since then. The customer, quite taken aback, didn’t know what to think for a bit. Here was this man telling her how angry he had been, but the whole time he had this large grin on his face. His demeanor was cheerful, but here he was talking about anger and bitterness towards her.
Then the milkman told her of how he knew he needed to get over it, but he just couldn’t seem to. He told her about his friend’s suggestion to make a gift of the milk and about how he had done just that.

“But, why won’t you take the money now?”
“Because I can’t take payment for a debt you don’t owe. It was and is a gift from me to you.”

At it’s core forgiveness is about grace. Grace makes us better people. Grace makes whoever is forgiven better and forgiving better. Try this, the next time you are standing in a long line and someone cuts into the queue by “saying hello” to an old friend they would otherwise never acknowledge…make a gift of your place in line. Is it worth your anger? Is it worth your resentment? Are you running late? Do you have somewhere important to go and you had to pick up this one last minute thing? Then forgive yourself for not planning better. If someone else is affected as well then give them a call if you possibly can and let them know you miscalculated the amount of time and you are running behind. The fellow who cut in line...just make a gift of that little bit of space between you and the next car and go on with your day.